I began applying for candidacy at Curtin in 2006, it was accepted in March 2007. Initially I applied for a Masters and then decided there just wasn't going to be enough words and time, I wanted to go much deeper. So I went through the rigorous candidacy process all over again to apply for the Doctor of Philosophy (Arts) program. Since then I have been writing my thesis and doing the paintings that will be submitted with it.
I had to hire a studio large enough for the 2.4 metre square paintings I intended to create. So far I have managed to keep my part-time lecturing job at TAFE to have enough time to fit in the hours and hours of thesis work and still pay the bills. The panels, studio hire and paints were expensive. I also had to get a laptop computer and a van so I could transport the panels.
During this study period some other big things also happened. After fighting it off for years I eventually had to get a hysterectomy. The recovery took several months. My significant other and I then decided to take on owner-building a house in a smaller town on a block of land I had purchased on a whim. My workspace in the new house was designed to take the 2.4 metre paintings (and I still don't have enough room!) That took 10 months out of our lives - it nearly killed us because we were both working 0.5 jobs as well.
At the end of last year my father died unexpectedly, and then I injured my left foot and ankle so badly that the entire summer break from my teaching job, during which I had intended to paint and do my thesis, was spent flat on my back - I wasn't able to sit at the computer either due to complications with my back.
Last week I sent the first draft of the first 3 parts of my thesis to my supervisor at Curtin - one part to go. I had e-mailed her about my finishing date, which I figured was 2015, about which she wrote 'Please don't take that long to finish it!' - which kind of floored me considering the obstacles I have had. Anway, I am now waiting anxiously, hoping beyond hope that she doesn't declare huge sections of my thesis irrelavent, in which case it is back to the drawing board (depending on what she wipes out)
People often seem to be in awe of someone who is doing a doctorate, you can see them taking a slightly different look at you when you tell them that is what you are trying to do. Which often makes me feel like a bit of a fraud. Then they ask 'What's it about', at which point you wish you had worked out a succinct answer and written it down so you could whip it out. Some people wonder why the hell you would bother, and others share their own nightmare experiences, the majority of which then tell you they chucked it in.
I am telling myself that undertaking a Promethean task like a thesis is like climbing a long mountain. It starts out well, the sun is out, the slope is gentle, but it gets steeper as you go. You get more tired as it gets steeper, you don't have the energy to turn around and look at the view, you are just head down slogging up the mountain. As you get nearer the top you really doubt you are going to make it, you imagine what it would be like to just turn around and slide all the way back down the slope. In your darker moments you actually decide to do just that. But then you turn back the other way, you can see the top and you know that once you get over that crest, things should be a whole lot easier.
Well, I don't know if I am close to the top or not, there's still a long way to go but I think, hope, that I am over half way at least. But it means that the climb will surely get steeper before, if ever, I reach that peak.
6 comments:
Joan said:
Thank you for giving me the picture on the mountain climb which welds together all the many glimpses I have had of it on your journey over the past years. I certainly understand your present anxious wait for response from above.
It is no comfort to know that it is the process that counts: the determination, the labour, the climb - as without the goal constantly in mind it would be very hard to go on given the obstacles that have risen up to deter you. But to me the results of your labours are already obvious in your eloquent explanations and insights already gained that go far beyond the chosen subject of your work.
Thanks Joan, and I agree. I have learnt so much already, it almost wouldn't really matter if I didn't finish it. Except that I do want to share it and that is the best way I know.
You are right about the mountain thing. I've been almost scared off by the horror stories. It's the first time in my life where I am mapped into a three or four or five year plan. To hear where those have gone astray is truly terrifying.
Good luck with the examiners (hard work probably comes second to luck here ...)
My first chapter is due in end of this month. Faaaarrrk!
Yes ST, and more seem to go astray than actually finish. I just keep going at the moment, I figure if I have to make the decision to bail then I should make sure I give it my best shot. Otherwise I will always think: what if?
I must be really naive because I am truly looking forward to writing my thesis. I know what I want to write about so I'm thinking that maybe the issue is about having a clear indication of what your passion is so that you can write your thesis with ease. Not that I am qualified to comment because I have not started yet and my friend who is an archaeologist says that she is finding her Phd difficult to write too. And she said it is because the subject mater is something that she had to think about.
Interesting!!
It's not the writing and the passion that's difficult, that's easy. Even after all these years I am still passionate about my subject. It's the depth of research, having to back up your argument with respected academic references, the structural aspects of writing a coherent document, the sheer logistics of arranging a 40,000+ word document in a way that flows, is understanadable to people without the same academic background, sticking to your argument and not wandering off....it goes on. But you'll find out Barb :) And I still LOVE it, so I am sure you will too.
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