I fucking hate Christmas. People have so many expectations about it and it often lets them down. It's like bad sex, the anticipation is way better than the act.
Something weird happens to people - they start driving erratically. Everyone is suddenly in a terrible hurry. What for? Where are they all going? They are up your arse, taking ridiculous risks passing - I feel much more vulnerable on the road.
The lead up to Christmas is slow torture. Months out there are retailers making you suffer, putting you under pressure. Weeks out there are 'drinkies', office parties, decorations showing up on the admin. staff's desks. Fucking Christmas carols in the supermarket. Noisy parties everywhere. Aaaaarrrggghhh!
I don't do Christmas. I am not a fucking Christian. My bet is most other people I share it with aren't either. But awe, shucks, you gotta do it for the kids (simpering smile) Why? By the time they are 4 they don't believe in Santa, it's just another excuse to manipulate their parents. They have too much shit, are greedy and probably just want an update on last year's model of iPhone or latest 3D game. Bikes are standard issue, so nothing special there. We are all too fat but we eat more while the third world still starves. People who never jog start jogging a few weeks before Christmas. I saw someone today.
Oh, but Cristmas is nice because you get to catch up with family. You reckon? Every time we get together there's a stoush, some argument over politics (I'm the only one in the family with a social conscience, the only leftie in a family of capitalists since my Grandmother died). I get reminded of what a shit I was when I was 14 ('remember when you did.....' - no forgiveness there) And the jury is still out on whether Auntie Billy was a complete alcoholic bitch or not (she definitely was)
Most of my Christmas days are spent with other self-proclaimed 'orphans' - no pressure, no politics, no personal record file, no need to give gifts - no need to pretend. And the other excellent thing about Christmas - while most people are stuck at home with their loved ones eating too much with a hangover from weeks of celebratory drinks, I go for a surf in the much less crowded local break.
3 comments:
Hilarious! I laughed out loud at the first line. No, not lol'd or rofl'd. Laughed. A most excellent rant.
Last year I engineered a 'Kunty Kristmas' as a kind of stand that nobody else got, and managed to make a pariah of myself for the next six months. I'm thinking I might be on the right track.
The thing is though, it IS important for the kiddies (and no simpering smile here). It's a social ritual that can go awry, sure but that's probably more the fault of the Hardly Normal and Worthless f*ckers, than the families just wanting a hard and fast annual date to get together and catch up.
I've got to play nice for a little while yet, even though all I want to do is head out to my Kundip shack and go fishing. Sigh.
GOD you wild women make me laugh so hard!!! Still giggling to myself over the KK ST... the perfect storm breweth this way also ;)
Hope the waves are just how you like them MF
Thanks girls :) ST your Kunty Kristmas made ME laugh out loud too! Classic.....I certainly get it and you are definitely on the right track.
I admit to a deep cynicism about Christmas because it all went Santa shaped way back then. But I do get where you are coming from re the kids.
Thanks WY. I am out of the water AGAIN while my tat heals a bit but hopefelly I will get wet soon - even if the local break is still crap.
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