global boiling

Today the UN chief finally ditched the global 'warming' euphemism and shifted to 'global boiling'. Thank fuck for that. Next question - how the hell does the UN think that making these declarations actually helps?

I'm exhausted. I've been grieving for years now. Every time I see an expression of the beauty of this planet I cry, or I want to cry. I cry often.

 
Saying over and over again that we are in a crisis is completely pointless. Calling on fossil fuel companies to change their behaviour is pointless. The oil is produced for people, PEOPLE WHO WON'T STOP USING IT. People who still think they have a right to take an overseas holiday, fly around the world for important meetings, take cruises on ships that burn up God knows how much energy being built, then providing their customers with a luxurious 'experience'.

 
Wealthy humans are chasing 'experiences' all over the world. They refuse to rethink their lifestyle. They believe they deserve it, even if it is at the expense of future generations - their kids, their grandkids. Grey nomads and flood or COVID refugees have taken to the road. Australians are buying more fuel guzzling monstrosities than ever before, so they can tow their toys and have 'experiences'.

Nobody in the rich western world wants to give up anything. Try telling all those people climbing out of poverty in India or China or Africa that they should lower their expectations. They won't. Why should they?

 
This problem is too big. Many people think their individual contribution to global boiling is insignificant, so they don't bother. They are also so used to getting what they want and think they need, they just keep on doing what they've been doing.

The UN needs to stop giving the world vacuous updates. It's not helping. It's not doing anything. Calling for governments, who have no real power, to DO more. Do what? DO WHAT???? As soon as they try big business gives them a clip over the ear, and their citizens vote them out.

We could start by turning off the lights in cities and towns at night. It's low hanging fruit yet we haven't even talked about it. How can governments stop their citizens from going on overseas holidays, buying big fuck you 4WDs? How? They can't even provide homes, healthcare or support for victims of domestic violence.

 
I drive 15km to the beach to maintain sanity. Should I stop doing that? I live a very low impact life as it is. Does it matter anyway? For every small thing I do, there are a million selfish or wilfully ignorant bastards out there giving up absolutely fuck all.

I don't know how people with children are coping. My guess is they are so busy meeting their kids' needs on a daily basis they don't get time to think about it most of the time. And when they do, they push it out of their minds or go quietly insane in the wee hours. I want to ask them how they are doing, but it seems like a cruel thing to do, so I don't.

The UN chief was right about one thing. This is just the beginning. Hang onto your hats, your loved ones - and learn to meditate.

 
Cartoon: Jim Pavlidis, The Age.

It's so hard to change

I think most of us accept that we aren't perfect. Unless you are a narcissist you are probably like me in that there are key aspects of yourself you would like to change. If so you might regularly beat yourself up about it like I do. Although I am a high achiever, so maybe my level of self criticism is driven by that.

One of the liberating things that came out of COVID is the public recognition of the prevalence of mental health issues in our society. Before COVID I don't remember commercial TV presenters talking about things like low-level anxiety and listening to TV 'expert' psychs on the couch reassuring the public that it is common to wake around 2 or 3 am and forensically examine your deeds and conversations of the day. I don't know whether I invented the term 'cringe factor' but I use it to refer to my tendency to cringe at some of the things I have said to people, and my ungracious responses to things that have happened during the day. I want to be better. I want to be more gracious, more patient and less angry. But it's so hard to change.

Many years ago I was in a relationship that was quite destructive. My partner at that time had some bad life habits, but I did too. I remember during a huge argument I went to see a friend who was a Jungian psychologist and through tears of frustration I asked him why I kept making bad choices in my life and why, even though I could see that's what I was doing, I couldn't stop doing it! I know why now but at the time I was confused and at a turning point. He said something to this effect: 'Keep noticing, every time, what you are doing. One day - you will just stop'. At the time it didn't help much, but he was absolutely right.

After a while I saw the dynamics of that relationship very clearly and ended it, only to get into a short marriage that ended in divorce. The issues were quite different, however extricating myself from that was equally complicated and devastating for both parties so obviously I still hadn't learnt what I needed to. Fortunately since then and for the past 22 years I have been in a good relationship that has been mutually beneficial.

Resolving one critical aspect of life was a relief however my constant and regular relapses of behaviour in other areas have been and continue to be a source of anxiety. In order to change behaviour, I have to understand it first. There are strategies to manage anxiety and fear. First you have to notice what is going on. Then you have to remember that this is a pattern - you've been here before - so you know from experience that nothing lasts forever. Believe it and accept where you are. The most important thing to do through the whole process, which may take minutes, hours or days as you go around and around in circles - is remember to breathe and let go of self judgement.

If you ever get to a point where you accept bad and good states of mind equally - you have probably evolved into an enlightened being! I'm a long way from that.

The bad news is I am still as imperfect as I ever was. The good news is that as I have aged, I have found ways to better 'manage' my state of mind - sometimes....

Image: Balloon Girl by author.

Jazz-rock in the 70s

I discovered Steely Dan when I was 15. I loved them then and I still do, even though for most of my life I didn't think I liked jazz at all. This is very consumable jazz though. 

I'm posting this so I can come back and listen when I want to. 

I was out of step with my peers then and I still am. It used to bother me, but I've got used to it.