#redbubble shop #munteddollinc

Gradually getting a handle on my Redbubble shop. It's very cool seeing my artwork on different merchandise. 

Unfortunately I am my best customer so far - but at least I am getting t-shirts with artwork I want to wear. I've ordered this t-shirt above (it won't look as good on me of course).

I'll be lucky to make any real money out of it, but having the work for sale and visible seems better than having it in folders on my computer where nobody will ever see it.

retro poster

Retro poster for my St Frank series. 

Why Ms Whipply? 

Why do you reckon?

head vs heart

So far the Year of the Dog is proving to be a bit of a bitch and no better than the Rooster annus horribilus of 2017. We are still riding the roller coaster of hope-disappointment-hope re selling our house. Financial recovery is painfully slow after 2 months with no pay over the summer break and some bad spending decisions. The surf continues to be dreadful, so much so that I have renamed my local break Imposters. It is advertised to tourists as a 'world class break' which is completely misleading and climate change is only making it worse.

Events of the past week have made me realise I need to seriously re-evaluate my life. Over the past 5-6 years I signed up for one online course after the other to consolidate my qualifications and ensure I was worth employing, only to be ripped off by the system as institutions grappled with changes to VET education and fee structures. I didn't receive one recognised qualification in return for my investment and have accrued more debt. 

I know staying employed is a struggle for many - ongoing cutbacks and job insecurity are the norm as employers, including government, shift from a permanent to a casual/contract workforce. There's no such thing as a 'safe' public service job any more. Like a lot of other folk I've been trying to stay ahead of the game - hence trying to get qualifications and broaden my skills base. With cutbacks in education and to the arts in general, I figured it might be sensible to diversify so I paid $3000 for a week long BAL Assessors course. As a casual, I also had to forego a week's wages, purchase a $110 textbook and drive 100km a day - so the total bill was closer to $4000. Today, on the last day of the course, I chucked it in before morning tea because I was raling against the same compliance-audit culture that drives me insane in my educational role. And because I would have had to pay more money I don't have for accreditation, shitloads of liability insurance and get referees before I could apply my newfound skills and actually make some income. The decision to do the course was a head one - in the end it was my heart that rebelled and forced me to abandon it.

Driving home today I said to myself: you really need to stop doing this. I should have learnt by now that the battle between head and heart causes me the greatest conflict - mainly because society encourages me to make head decisions and I am a heart person. I'm quite capable of using my head but I decided today that I should trust my instincts when it comes to making these types of decisions because in the end it's the heart that always wins out. It forces me to act because every cell in my body rebels if I don't. Crazy. I really did try to stick out the last day of the course - I tried to rationalise that I may as well finish it I was so close. But I just couldn't stay in the room.

So here I am feeling pretty sorry for myself but already making some new ground rules. I'm writing them down here as a 'note to self' because I want to make sure I stick to them.

1. I need to stop doing things for people who take advantage. They don't mean to - but people are generally so self obsessed they don't even know they are doing it. No more freebies (unless it's for friends, and I only have a few of those). That means no more free graphic design jobs for the local surf club (who didn't even think to invite me to the free pizza night held to thank volunteers).

2. Do just enough to keep body and soul together but the rest of the time - do what brings you peace and contentment. Stop trying to right the wrongs of the world and save everyone. It's not your responsibility.

3. And most of all - stop trying so bloody hard. I've known all my life that 'reality' was a sham. Now that all the systems that have served us in the past are finally showing real signs of falling apart, there's even less need to persist with the illusion. It was always a stupid game - now it doesn't even make sense. We all need to let go of it. Chaos will ensue, but there's no going back now so we may as well embrace the change.

image: ©Dr Grafix (aka Michelle Frantom), digital drawing, 2017

nice dogs behaving badly

dogs are people too

#munted doll inc.

it's a blog's life

There's a widget on Blogger you can click on that takes you to the 'Next (random) Blog'. Lately I've spent no little time doing this because I have been looking for good blogs to follow and read. I'm quite devasated by what I have discovered - so many of the blogs I find haven't been touched for months or even years!! In my imagination these abandoned blogs reside in a cyber junk yard where they float around in space (annoyingly my prosaic partner pointed out that they were actually still on the planet and never left because that's where the information was stored). It makes me feel sad. Many were lovingly written, expressing the hopes and dreams of their authors. Blogs provide a place to connect with others in the human-mess and share your life with complete strangers on an intimate level.

Suspecting the worst I did some research and discovered that, because of the emerging dominance of personal mobile devices, predictions of the death of blogging appeared as early as 2012. It seems that people don't have the time to read blogs any more. It also seems to me that online time has been hijacked by marketing anyway.

This is a tragic development. Or is it?

I've been re-reading some of my older posts and realised I used to write about more day-to-day stuff, more personal too - and that I have definitely taken a step back from blogging. There are several reasons.

1. I work in a prison which means the government owns my soul. When I realised that, I took down almost a decade's worth of very personal rants - including a few that were decidedly feminist and slightly non-PC. I've already been in the poo for making an innocent 'social-justice' comment on Facebook which confirmed it. I'm not afraid to speak my mind but the reality is I need the job. There is also the potential that my students could discover my blog on release from prison which would leave me very exposed.

2. I never knew how many people were reading my blog, or whether there was anybody out there that really cared about what I wrote. The only way you can tell is if people make comments, and I never got many of those - so I figured there wasn't really much point. I mean, why bother speaking into the void when nobody is listening?

3. Maybe I've said everything I want to say - I gave up writing in visual diaries years ago too. I can't bring myself to part with the stack of 30-40 journals even though I never look at them. They've done their job - they've helped me evolve my consciousness to where it is now. Truth is - I'm at a different stage in my life, I'm kind of tired of hearing my own voice (that's not to say I necessarily want to listen to other people either). This is why I've been mainly posting my artworks. Maybe, as a mature person I've come to the realisation that whatever I say won't really make a difference. 

Maybe it's time for simplicity, silence and grace - the way you see old people cherish the moment because they know how precious life is and half expect it to end any second. It's definitely a space I'm moving into. And it's not a bad place to be actually - the end of striving for so many things that just aren't important. Time to focus on the things that are.