I was prompted to post this because of Sarah Toa's latest offering. In fact I could have written it, from a slightly different perspective of course - but I have the same shit going on in my head: 'Maybe this is it. Maybe I have pulled off one good....(book) body of work....and this is it'. I think I know just how Sarah is feeling.
It's been a dizzying few weeks: the exhibition opening at JCG 3 weeks ago and all the wonderful feedback; back up to Perth last weekend for my artist's talk. It's been difficult to debrief. Now I need to wrap everything up - retrieve the work from the gallery, finish off the year. I am in a strange nothing sort of space, which, after 7 years of intense study and hard work, is inevitable. I like my down time - I am looking forward to having a break and going surfing a lot. I am also getting mixed up in some new projects for next year and interested in returning to a more public life after hiding out for such a long time. Everything is feeling rather strange.
Last Sunday after the talk I took one last, long look at the exhibition and said out loud: 'I'll never top this'. I think the gallery director may have heard me.
People around me are asking: What's next? And I just give them a blank confused look. I have some ideas, but will need some space to let things settle.
To top it all off I still haven't heard from the examiners, so this 'success' could be an illusion.
I have to remind myself that the journey doesn't end here. It will be a little different but life goes on. I am in the business of evolving and I need to find my centre again. I will start feeling more like myself when I get back to my own art practice and further (private) study. And that is where I will start the climb up the next mountain.
image: Void, one of the works in the exhibition. Digital animation over photograph of The Gap at dusk.