people in boxes

Maybe it's just part of the ageing process but my need to withdraw from the world (again) isn't dissipating. After all the trouble I took to hold onto the 122 followers on my Dr Grafix Facebook page, I have deleted it - effective in 2 weeks. I'm having more fun with Instagram anyway where I've accidentally picked up 49 followers. 

As an introvert and loner I've always struggled to maintain a public face. I like people and I'm not afraid to communicate with them - it's just that most of the time I'd prefer not to. I like silence and solitude. 

Recently I researched Autism, thinking that 'diagnosis' might be relevant. The questionnaire concluded that I was either 'borderline or high functioning Autistic' - but that didn't really fit because I have a debilitating capacity for empathy. 

When I mentioned my 'research' to a clinical psychologist friend the other day she said: 'surely you'd be more Aspergic than autistic'. Wow! That was a bit of a blow. I have tried hard to disguise my eccentricities and thought I was being reasonably successful but maybe not. I know my family have always considered me to be quite 'weird' but I thought that was just family. The positive thing about the psych's comment is that I will now give up trying to be normal (whatever that is) because I was obviously failing.

I've had quite a few conversations with a friend who suffers from mild epilepsy. Some of the states she describes sound familiar and I wondered if there was such a thing as an 'epileptic personality'. I often see small flashes of light 'inside my head' (if that makes sense) and my father had some abnormal twitches and traits which I assumed were just part of his obsessive nature. So I researched the 'epileptic personality' and although I could definitely see aspects of myself in there, the study was inconclusive - which confirms that you can't put people in boxes.

I guess I'm no closer to solving the mystery of me in relation to the rest of the world. Maybe one day I will stop trying to figure it out. In the meantime this Krishnamurti meme says it all:

image 1: Anne Hamill - Is There a Right way to Put People In Boxes?

image 2: Dr Grafix - Instagram screen shot

image 3: Imgur