This is Mercury. She is me - or at least the 'resilient child' version of me. Mercury is always vigilant, suspicious, questioning - she constantly challenges the status quo, even her own. Mercury, as her name suggests, is mercurial. She gets to a point in her life when she yells 'fuck this shit' and swerves, changes direction and takes another path.
I'm in a Year 5. The last time I was in that cycle all hell broke loose. It was like I'd taken all the bits of my life and thrown them up in the air just to see where they landed. This is typical Mercury behaviour and it had happened several times before. Mercury doesn't really think about consequences, she just wants change.
That time I left my marriage after 3 months of knowing my current partner and moved in with him and his 2 boys. I had no money, no car and absolutely no idea what I was going to do. Not long after that I started my degree as a mature age student and didn't look back, graduating with a PhD in 2013, got a 'real' job as a lecturer etc etc.
The other day in the surf I realised I was in a Mercury mood. I mentally quit my job. I was in that state of 'I don't care what happens, I just need to get out of here'. I'm also born in the year of the Rat and Rats always need an escape route. Later the 'adult' regained partial control. At this age I don't have as many options or energy as I used to - the world is also a different place. But Mercury doesn't care about that and won't be denied so I decided to 'veer' rather than 'swerve'. I just applied to do a Bachelor of Social Work online through ECU.
I may not be accepted - it's quite competetive and maybe I am too old. I'm wondering if I have the energy to do another degree and whether I will actually get a job when I finish as an even older woman. In my head at least it makes sense. It's something I can do as an old person and it is a sideways move rather than a complete about face - though it is quite a step away from my chosen profession as artist. We'll see.
I think you'd be a breath of fresh air, Seashell.
ReplyDeleteThose pictures are the splitting image of my niece, also a bit of a change agent.
Thanks Sarah Toa. I have since been accepted by ECU so I'm applying for advanced standing credits. I have also applied to Monash for the Masters which is only 2 years rather than 3 or 4 for the undergraduate degree (depending on whether I get time off for my PhD). It would mean flying to Melbourne a couple of times, which would get me out of my comfort zone. But I'd need to be medicated. I'm afraid of flying now after a horrendous flight in a small plane years ago.
DeleteAwesome! (Not the meds, the advanced standing, I mean.)
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