Happy New Year folks.
And some wise words from Anthony Hopkins that strengthen my resolve to let go of friendships that were once so important.
Let go of people who aren't ready to love you.
This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing.
Stop having difficult conversations with people who don’t want to change.
Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence.
I know your instinct is to do everything you can to gain the appreciation of those around you, but it's an impulse that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you start fighting for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you to that place.
That doesn't mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who aren't ready to be with you.
If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and your life.
Truth is, you're not for everyone and not everyone is for you.
This is what makes it so special when you find people that you have friendship or love matched.
You will know how precious it is because you've experienced what it isn't.
There are billions of people on this planet and a lot of them you will find at your level of interest and commitment.
Maybe if you stop showing up, they won't look for you.
Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship ends.
Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for weeks.
That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing that was holding it was the energy that only you gave to keep it.
That's not love, that's attachment.
It's giving a chance to those who don't deserve it!
You deserve so much more.
The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy as both are limited.
The people and things you give your time and energy to, will define your existence.
When you realize this you start to understand why you’re so anxious when you spend time with people, activities or spaces that don’t suit you and shouldn’t be near you.
You’ll start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you, is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.
Make your life a safe haven, in which only people "compatible" with you are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone.
It's not your responsibility to convince them to improve.
It's not your job to exist for people and give them your life!
You deserve real friendships, true commitments, and complete love with healthy, prosperous people.
Deciding to distance yourself from harmful people, will give you the love, esteem, happiness and protection you deserve.
Love the music. Thank you for posting that.
ReplyDeleteInteresting words by Anthony Hopkins. It's really good for healthy centered mindful people. Narcissists might take it to extremes.
Robin I agree re narcissists but I don't think it would matter what you said to them - they'd just act according to their pre-disposition. This came up in my FB feed and it was timely, because I've been quite sad about losing a friend over the whole COVID issue. It confirmed I had made the right decision to distance myself. And when I looked a bit harder, I realised the friendship hadn't ben based on any real connection anyway. I have a tendency to adopt 'stray kittens' if you get my drift, people who reflect the messed up side of myself. And then I tell myself I am 'helping' them when they possibly think the same about me! So it's a pretty selfish motivation when you think about it. It's a huge part of the reason I gave up my job. I wanted so much to help my prison students and I burnt up a lot of emotional energy trying to do that. But when I saw them continually come back into prison, I realised that they didn't want me to help them stay out. That was my judgment about their lives and it wasn't fair. Only a few really wanted to rehabilitate. Many more would tell me that prison was 'home' to them. These people who had never had stability in their lives needed the routine and security that prison gave them. It was pretty arrogant of me to assume otherwise.
DeleteDr Michelle-- It is such an awakening to realize that many of the prisoners wanted to be there in prison because it had become home to them. I understand that and am still completely surprised by it. It makes so much sense. I was thinking about my sister who is so broken in so many ways. I am her emotional support system and she has battered me for so many, many years. I never give up, which is part of my own failings. I wish you and I were neighbors. We would have such interesting conversations over the fence.
DeleteRobin I think it's a good thing to not give up on people. As long as you look after your own emotional health. Compassion is a strange thing. I sense that many people get compassion confused with sentimentality, but the Buddhists are quite hard headed about it (not that I am a Buddhist but they make a lot of sense about a lot of things). Compassion can mean tough love. I find it hard to judge whether I am enabling someone's self hatred by continuing to love them. It doesn't mean I shouldn't love them, but it does mean they need to take responsibility for their own choices, we all do. I'm very big on personal responsibility because I see it as the only way to find true freedom, and peace.
DeleteI wish we were neighbours too, but I'm really glad I live in Australia and not the US. You'll just have to move here (haha).