Monday, 23 September 2019

beautiful ugliness

This is a digital drawing based on a randomly acquired photo of two hill-billy brothers. 

In the context of societal 'norms' their faces were all 'wrong'. I guess they would be considered 'ugly' to many people. Yet there was something intriguing about the placement of their features and the proportions of their faces - so I did a drawing of one of them. 

image: © Author, digital drawing

Tuesday, 13 August 2019

Anxiety? Bollocks.

Have you noticed how many commentators are talking about raised levels of anxiety in the 1st world? I even heard Tim Costello mention it the other day in a rerun of his 'One Plus One' interview. I'm actually a bit over it. Not because I don't see it in abundance all around me but because I think it's always been there. We just talk about it all the time.

You could say we are more anxious now because our species is facing the real existential threat of climate change. I feel there is definitely an undercurrent around that. But that doesn't account for the many who are in blissful denial and continue to consume like there is no tomorrow, which there won't be if we continue to do that of course. No, I'm pretty sure they aren't lying awake at night thinking about how badly we have fucked up this planet. They are more likely to be losing sleep over their mortgage or their reliance on insecure employment. And I think this is the point. It's true that as a species we are at a critical time but it's also possible that 'middle class' expectations about lifestyle and owning stuff have never been higher.

Anxiety is just a more palatable word for fear. And fear is an annoying but ever-present aspect of being human.

My Dutch grandparents, with whom I grew up, lived in occupied Holland for the entirety of WW2. My grandfather was a conscientious objector and hid in the attic for the duration. Food coupons allocated to a woman with 2 children were stretched to include a fully grown man. Add to that the fact that my grandmother contributed to the war effort by sabotaging German military equipment after they took over the factory she worked in. If she had been caught she would have been shot on the spot. I can't imagine a more stressful situation than that. My grandmother was a feisty and strong little woman but I don't think she ever fully recovered - even after moving to Australia in 1956. Although she was fully functional she always seemed a bit anxious.

Many, probably most people in the world, still live with that level of anxiety and worse. The threads that bind their lives together are tenuous. They are at the mercy of factors completely out of their control. Those of us lucky enough to be born or emigrate to the 1st world really need to reflect on that - daily. I'm tired of the aspirational middle-class whining. I want to shout: Take a look around you. Lower your expectations, you greedy fuckers.

It's true that I despair at the way my country is devolving. The so-called 'lucky country' is definitely losing its shine. I see the decay, the corruption and the growing inequity. But it's also true that a life in Australia - any life - is still a far better option than a life in many, many other countries.

Digital drawing by Dr Grafix (author)

Friday, 2 August 2019

Mercury mood

This is Mercury. She is me - or at least the 'resilient child' version of me. Mercury is always vigilant, suspicious, questioning - she constantly challenges the status quo, even her own. Mercury, as her name suggests, is mercurial. She gets to a point in her life when she yells 'fuck this shit' and swerves, changes direction and takes another path.

I'm in a Year 5. The last time I was in that cycle all hell broke loose. It was like I'd taken all the bits of my life and thrown them up in the air just to see where they landed. This is typical Mercury behaviour and it had happened several times before. Mercury doesn't really think about consequences, she just wants change.

That time I left my marriage after 3 months of knowing my current partner and moved in with him and his 2 boys. I had no money, no car and absolutely no idea what I was going to do. Not long after that I started my degree as a mature age student and didn't look back, graduating with a PhD in 2013, got a 'real' job as a lecturer etc etc.

The other day in the surf I realised I was in a Mercury mood. I mentally quit my job. I was in that state of 'I don't care what happens, I just need to get out of here'. I'm also born in the year of the Rat and Rats always need an escape route. Later the 'adult' regained partial control. At this age I don't have as many options or energy as I used to - the world is also a different place. But Mercury doesn't care about that and won't be denied so I decided to 'veer' rather than 'swerve'. I just applied to do a Bachelor of Social Work online through ECU. 

I may not be accepted - it's quite competetive and maybe I am too old. I'm wondering if I have the energy to do another degree and whether I will actually get a job when I finish as an even older woman. In my head at least it makes sense. It's something I can do as an old person and it is a sideways move rather than a complete about face - though it is quite a step away from my chosen profession as artist. We'll see.

Drawing - hand to digital by Dr Grafix (author)

Monday, 29 July 2019

Shanti-shed

Ok so I've taken a bit of creative licence - but I love my new room. It's a bit whacky. I've used artificial grass instead of carpet and it's more of a bed-sit-office than a bedroom. 

When I look out the south window at night I see twinkling stars for the first time in a decade (we lived under karris for the past 10 years). When I look out the west window I see my little poodle's grave in amongst the bush, and when I look north through the double sliding doors I see the start of my veggie garden framed by scrubby heathland bush.

I love this type of bush. I wonder if you have to be born Australian to truly appreciate it. It's where I roamed feral as a kid - finding dumped cars with old bullets in them and digging cubbies in the grey-white sand. It's full of wildflowers that are often difficult to see unless you look hard. It's also full of wildlife - burrowing frogs, grubs, tiny birds, snakes, lizards - and lots of weird fungi. 

The house is new but the bush feels ancient. I want to try my best to look after it and all its residents.

Image by blog author. Digital drawing.

Thursday, 18 July 2019

Saturday, 6 July 2019

own your shit

I don't suppose this will be a very popular post but I'm doing it anyway. Because shit is really important. There's 'psychological shit', 'material shit' and just good ol' 'bodily waste type shit'. And they are all really important in the scheme of things. 

So what is shit anyway? It's stuff we don't need and don't want. There are a few ways of dealing with it. The most effective is to process it in a positive way. The second is to hide or bury it (either in some complex psychological issue or literally in the ground or the ocean). The third is throwing it away and pretending you had nothing to do with it. The fourth is to invoke straight out denial ie shit doesn't exist, which is a very convenient and common way of not dealing with it. 

Some people don't want to talk about shit because it's unpleasant, difficult and sometimes plain confronting. But let's face it - ALL the problems in the world are the result of humans not dealing with their shit. And this is why I care about this topic so much.

Shit has its own life and the bodily aspect of it can be very valuable or very toxic - depending on how much effort you put into dealing with it. For a few weeks now we have been using our newly installed waterless toilet. There's nothing like a composting toilet to force you to confront your own shit - because you see it and move it around. The first revelation is just how much shit a human body produces. There's no getting away with it - the daily evacuation simply has to be physically dealt with. 

A waterless toilet also makes you painfully aware of how much beautiful clean water is wasted in this country to flush a perfectly usable commodity down the toilet. This is only one component in a very complex fucked-up system within which we are dealing inappropriately with waste in general. My partner has recently declared himself a budding 'human-urist' and is becoming quite obsessed with microbes, good and bad bacteria and ways to use our shit on the garden because what used to occur naturally just doesn't now. It's a full-time job living sustainably and responsibly. 

Dealing with shit requires courage and a commitment to truth. But first you have to take ownership of it, take responsibility and that's a major hurdle.

Munted Doll graphic: Dr Grafix (blog author)
Toilet (line graphic): https://www.dragoart.com, colour by Dr Grafix

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

it's not enough


'It’s not enough to get to work on time, to firm up the waist line, to balance the cheque book, and learn how to smile like a nice person. 
If that’s all there is, we’re still the same little earth worms, getting older every day, and no wondrous new birth has taken place within us.' 
Kreinheder


'A Buddhist Koan says: “The master holds the disciple’s head underwater for a long, long time; gradually the bubbles become fewer; at the last moment, the master pulls the disciple out and revives him: when you have craved truth as you crave air, then you will know what truth is".' 
Roland Barthes

image: ©Dr Grafix 2019