My computer desktop, e-mail inbox and studio have never been emptier. Since submitting my thesis, having the exhibition and doing my artist's talk there is nothing driving me. I don't start back at my 'job' (paid work) for another couple of weeks so I've been telling myself to relax, do nothing, have a rest. Truth is I have little motivation or energy anyway.
I have been throwing myself in the ocean to surf each morning and lying around watching old movies in the afternoon. Occasionally I wander aimlessly in my now sparsely furnished studio after reorganising it when the big paintings were loaded on the truck for Perth. I still don't know what I am going to do with them when they come back - I like my new spacious studio the way it is.
It's all very well taking a break from 'work', except for me my 'art practice' is also my 'spiritual practice'. It has been this way for a very long time - no wonder I am feeling a little bereft.
There are things I discovered along the way that I want to explore now that I am free to do so, so I don't need to reinvent myself - the process is ongoing. Throughout my study I never lost sight of the reasons I make images in the first place. However, as part of this re-evaluation, I do feel the need to go back to the core of what my art is about and why I do it. The very significant insights I have had into the role of images in human consciousness will no doubt influence what I do next, and it is this I want to pursue.
The study and research will continue - it is what I do, it is why I am here on the planet. I am on a mission and that won't change until I have reached a point of wisdom where I don't feel the need to pursue anything. Only then will I be able to truly rest.
Whenever I have a house inspection i feel the same way..my studio is clean, paper stacked, brushes cleaned and I don't want to change a thing. I find myself walking around the space, happy in the empty room. I think this is healthy and allows me to move forward in new directions. I have a feeling that if I didn't rent my studio would keep piling up in the old ideas. Maybe the studio is a physical representation of our own individualization...
ReplyDeleteI think you are absolutely right Anne. Periods of emptiness are critical, and chucking stuff out is an important part of constantly evolving. We own our house so I have to be vigilant about not accumulating too much stuff.
ReplyDeleteYes, your studio looks great - a wide open space to create anew.
ReplyDeleteI'm really curious to see what happens with you when your paintings are returned. Can you let us know?
I have spent the last 2 days clearing and throwing out stuff from under the house so I can wrap the 4 big panels in heavy black builder's plastic and store them there. I don't have a use for them but I don't want to throw them out (just yet) I don't kow why. My sister-in-law wanted the B & W one, but....I'll let you know what happens Sarah.
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